Secrets
by Kilea08
Summary: Amanda accuses Olivia and Trevor of having history, what if she was right about them and that it ran deeper then she realized and that everyone knew about it except for her and Nick. Secrets that were buried years ago resurfaces as a love is ignited.
1. Chapter 1

_**This story takes place at the end of season 15, where Amanda makes the assumption that Olivia and Trevor had history. That got me thinking what if they did? How will Amanda, Amaro, and Barba react to the news about it and the fact that Fin knew about it. The beginning is straight from the show the direct quotes are in Italic writing, and then it veers off to my take on what happens if Amanda's assumptions were right. Throughout the story there will be flashbacks to help tie everything together and I apologized in advanced for jumping from scene to scene.**_

Olivia and Murphy were both gather together around Fin and Rollins desks as they discuss the latest case regarding little Tino and Ellie when Trevor Langan walked into the squad room.

" _I'm looking for Ellie Porter_ ," Langan says as he walks over to the group. " _Sorry I'm late but I just caught the case_."

Olivia glances over at Trevor, it has been years since she seen him and spoken to him. Seeing him now brings back old memories that she tried to forget, pushing those memories to the back of her mind Olivia takes a deep breath and averts her eyes from his and decides to concentrate on his tie instead. " _I thought she had a public defender_." Olivia says quickly before turning towards Rollins. " _Rollins, meet Trevor Langan, he's a, uh, high-priced mouthpiece for lowlifes_." Olivia says as she turns back to Langan with a slight smirk on her face.

Trevor tilts his head slightly as he looks at Olivia before saying, " _And you, once,"_ Trevor retorts back, " _how soon we forget. It's nice to see you, detective_ ," Trevor adds.

" _It's actually Sergeant now_ ," Olivia says correcting him. " _So what, you caught a pro bono_?" Olivia asks as she looks up at him, her thoughts running a mile a minute, trying to remain calm and collected in front of him, not wanting to let him see that his presence at the moment was affecting her.

Trevor nods as he looks into her eyes, old memories start to flood his mind also and he tries to shake them away, keeping his mind focus on why he's there but it's not easy when he looks at her, seeing how beautiful she is. " _Yeah, do a few of them a year. It keeps me an honest lawyer._ " Trevor responds.

" _An oxymoron_ ," Murphy interjects.

Olivia kicks herself for not introducing her new C.O. to him, " _Uh, this is our new C.O., Lieutenant Murphy_."

" _Wow. A lot of changes around here_ ," Trevor says as he takes a quick glance around the squad room.

Olivia nods in agreement, " _Yeah_ ," she responds as she avoids his eyes.

Looking at her he starts to think about what she has been through over the past year. " _Uh, and you, are you doing okay, with, uh…uh, everything_?" Trevor stumbles over his words, not knowing how to approach the subject, not wanting to make the situation even more uncomfortable for her.

Olivia gives him a small smile, " _Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks_." Olivia says genuinely touched by his concerned, then again why wouldn't he. Olivia moves towards her desk as Trevor walks away to go see his client.

Amanda leans back in her chair to look over at Olivia, " _he's tall_ ," she says simply but it has so much more meaning behind it.

Olivia gives a quick laugh, " _Yeah, like that's a skill set_." Olivia says knowing exactly what she was hinting at as she continues towards her desk.

Amanda narrows her eyes at the Sergeant sensing something between the defense attorney and her colleague. " _You two have history_?" Amanda questions.

" _I don't date lawyers_." Olivia lies with another laugh as she sits down at her desk not wanting to discuss her relationships with the detective, plus honestly it wasn't any of her business.

Amanda leans back up in her chair as she slightly tilts her head at the Sergeant knowing she was lying. " _Since when_?" Amanda retorts letting the Sergeant know that she caught her in a lie.

Olivia doesn't respond to the question, in fact she ignores the detectives eyes and the comment as she starts to work on her computer.

 *******SVU*******

After their victim identifies Ellie as the woman he hired and set him up Olivia and Trevor steps to the side to talk. Amanda watches Langan and Olivia talk, their body language and how close he stands to her just adds to her assumption that they had history together, her curiosity gets the best of her and she knows she can question her partner about it later. Amanda turns her attention back to their victim who needs to identify Tino as his attacker.

Later on, when Olivia is in the interrogation room with Langan and Ellie Porter, Amanda sits at her desk across from her partner, Fin, and stares at him wondering if he would know if Langan and Olivia ever had history.

Fin glances up from the file that is on his desk as he feels his partner burning a hole in his head. He looks at Amanda as he leans back in his chair, "What's going through your mind?" Fin asked having a clue though, his partner has been eyeing Langan and Olivia ever since he got here.

Amanda stands up and walks over to sit on Fin's desk, "What do you know about Olivia and Langan. I know she says 'she doesn't date lawyers'" Amanda says putting air quotations on the last statement making Fin laugh. "But come on, we all know she dated Haden when he was our ADA, so I know she lied, and I have a gut feeling that she's lying about Langan." Amanda says.

Fin just shakes his head, not wanting to betray his friends trust, "Manda if she did or didn't it's not really our business, you don't see her all in your love life do you?" Fin says wanting this conversation to be over with already.

Sighing slightly Amanda could understand where he partner was coming from, yet her curiosity was winning out. Deciding that she'll drop the subject for now and do some side investigating own her own she stands up and head back over to her desk to try and concentrate on her paperwork for now. Making a mental note that in a day or two she will start to investigate the relationship between her Sergeant and Langan.

 *****SVU*****

Olivia and Trevor exists the interrogation room after trying yet failing to convince Ellie Porter to turn on her pimp Little Tino.

Trevor reaches over and gently grabs Olivia's elbow stopping her in her tracts. Glancing around as to make sure they were alone he turns his attention back to Olivia. "Liv," Langan breathes as he gathers his thoughts. "I miss you." Trevor finally says looking into Olivia's eyes, trying to convey all his emotions to her.

Olivia quickly averts her eyes seeing all the emotions that flashed through Trevor's eyes. "Trevor," Olivia breathes as she tries to pull from his grasps. "I…can't, not now." Olivia says as she tries to gain control of her emotions but she was losing the battle, she needed to get away from him before the battle is completely lost.

Trevor nods as he lets go of her elbow. "Can we do coffee or lunch then, please, you owe me that much," Trevor begs.

Olivia closes her eyes as she runs her hand through her hair. "Fine, but let's do dinner instead, have plans with the ladies for lunch." Olivia says quickly.

Trevor let's a smile spread across his face. "Okay, sounds good, I'll text you the time and place." Trevor says as his phone rings, "I'll see you later." Trevor says walking away answering his phone.

 *****SVU*****

Later that evening Olivia arrives at the little Italian restaurant where she was to meet Trevor for dinner. As she went to pull the door open she wondered if this was a good idea, yet she knew that Trevor was right, she owed it to him. Taking a deep breath she walked into the restaurant and glances around looking for Trevor and quickly finds him at a table in the corner near the back.

Trevor looks up as he watched Olivia make her way towards him, a small smile makes its way onto his face as he remembers back to August 28, 2001.

 **Flashback:**

 _Trevor stood at the end of the aisle as he waited for her to walk through the door and make her way towards him. He has never been so nervous in his life yet excited and thrilled at the same time. The moment finally came when the doors to the church opened and there she was looking more beautiful than ever. He watched as the person she looked up to as a father walked her down the aisle towards him. The moment came when they approached him and he was handed the hand of his beautiful wife-to-be in less than a half hour._

 **End of flashback**

"Trevor," Olivia says softly as she sets her hand on his shoulder.

Shaking his head a little he gave her a small smile, "Sorry, thanks for coming." Trevor says as he watched Olivia take a seat in front of him.

"What were you thinking about?" Olivia asked as she picked up the menu in front of her.

"Our wedding day," Trevor replies with a smile on his face as he took a sip of his wine.

 *****SVU*****

Fin walks into the squad room where he finds Amanda, Barba and to his surprise Nick and Munch. "Munch my man long time, no see." Fin says as he embraces his old friend, "What brings you by?" Fin asks

"Well since this one," Munch says pointing at Nick, "Decided to get himself thrown into jail I thought I'll bail him out, again." Munch says glancing over at Nick.

Fin nods in understanding, "Yeah, maybe you can talk some sense into him while you're here." Fin says as he sits on top of his desk. "Hey how about we head over to my place and have some beer and pizza." Fin offers to the little group.

"Shouldn't you check with Casey first?" Munch asked looking over at Fin with questioning eyes.

"Who's Casey?" Barba asked looking around the group of detectives. He's not one to keep up with their personal lives unless he had too.

"Casey is his girlfriend that he moved in with, about six months ago. You should know her, she's an ADA." Amanda answered in response to Barba's question.

"Yeah, her last name is Novak she works for the Homicide unit." Munch added.

"She used to be the ADA for us right?" Nick asked, trying to connect the dots.

Fin nodded, "Yes, she's use be our ADA, now that we got that cleared up, do you guys want to go and have beer and pizza at my place. I'm sure Casey will be ok with it, in fact she might even join us." Fin said almost in a rush, not wanting to delve into his personal life with anyone at the moment.

Everyone agreed to head over to Fin's place to hang out and eat. As they headed out of the squad room, Fin texted Olivia to see if she wanted to join them before texting Casey to let her know that the squad was coming over for beer and pizza.

After picking up the pizza and beer they arrived at Fin's apartment. "Babe," Fin yelled as he walked into the apartment with the pizza and everyone else following behind him. "Shoes off guys, Casey's rule," Fin explained as he got a raised eyebrow from Amanda. Fin walked into their living room to find his girlfriend sitting on the floor surrounded with DVD's. "Babe what are you doing?" Fin asked as he set the pizza down on the coffee table.

Casey looked up from her spot, "Oh hey, sorry I was just looking through some of these DVD's that contains pictures on them." Casey explained as she took out a DVD from the DVD player and put another one in. Casey walked over to Fin giving him a quick kiss, "Some of them are unlabeled and I have no idea which DVD contains what pictures, etc. So I am going through them all and then labeling." Casey explained further when she saw the confused look on his face. "I was bored and I've wanted to do this for a while so that we can finally put that electronic picture display or whatever it's called to good use." Casey said receiving a nod from Fin. Casey turned towards the group behind him. "Hey guys," Casey said with a smile.

"Uh, Casey this is Barba our ADA, Barba this is Casey, I'm sure you two have probably meet in passing at the courthouse." Fin says as he introduced them.

Casey nods, "Yeah, Barba, we ran into each other a couple of times." Casey says receiving a nod from Barba.

"And I'm sure you remember Nick and Amanda and that old man over there." Fin said with a small chuckle at Munch faking hurt.

"Yup, you guys make yourself at home, please excuse my mess on the floor over there just a little project I'm working on." Casey explains before turning back to Fin. "I'll be right back need to grab something from the bedroom. Is Liv coming also?"

Fin shook his head, "No she said she had a meeting with someone, or something like that."

Casey nods, "Oh yeah I forgot she told me that when we met for lunch this afternoon. I'll call her later to see how it went." Casey said jotting her head towards their room, letting Fin know to follow her.

"Be right back guys, make yourself comfortable." Fin said following Casey.

Everyone made their way over to the coach and loveseat and did just as Fin said they made themselves comfortable. Nick, Barba and Munch took their suit jackets off and loosen their ties as they sat down. Nick looked over at Amanda when he heard her gasps. "What's wrong with you?" Nick asked seeing her eyes grow wide.

"I knew it…I knew it. I had this feeling that Liv and Langan had history but she denied it say 'she didn't date lawyers', but I knew she was lying. I can't believe it." Amanda said still in disbelief.

Nick raised an eyebrow at her, "Wait, what." Nick said clearly still confused.

Amanda pointed to the pictures that were appearing on the flat screen in front of them. "Those are wedding pictures of Olivia and Langan, a defense attorney that we met today who's representing someone we just arrested for conspiracy of attempted murder and robbery." Amanda turned towards Munch, "Those two used to be married?" Amanda asked.

Munched looked around the room at the three set of eyes that were staring at him. Knowing there was no way around it simply said, "Yeah, they were married, for almost ten years."

 **TBC**

 **One of Olivia's biggest secrets was just revealed, how will the squad react to the news especially when they find out what caused Olivia and Trevor to get divorce.**


	2. Against the Wall

**Thank you all for the great reviews everyone, you guys are the best, please keep them coming. As mentioned before there will be flashbacks to help connect the dots. Also I would like mention that in this story I want to develop a friendship between Olivia and Amanda. Well on with the story, enjoy.**

 **Chapter 2:**

Nick shook his head in disbelief as he tried to comprehend that his partner of three years was married and he never knew about it. "I can't believe Olivia never told me that she used to be married." Nick said as he fell back against the couch before taking a swig of his beer.

Amanda shrugged, "Olivia is a private person, so it doesn't surprise me that her and Trevor were married and we didn't know about it."

"Didn't know about what?" Fin asked as he and Casey walked back into the living room sitting down in the love seat after Munch stood up and moved over to the lazy boy.

"That Olivia and Trevor were married." Barba responded, he's been sitting there just wondering the same thing as Nick. He knew Olivia was a private person but they were close friends, she told him about Haden and he even knew about her and Cassidy before everyone else did. Now he wondered why she never told him that she was once married to the notorious defense attorney Trevor Langan.

Casey looked at the small group, "You guys didn't know, wow, um, I figured you all would have found out by now."

Fin was curious, "How did you guys find out?" Fin asked

"They saw wedding pictures on the flat screen from the DVD that Casey put in." Munch said nodding towards the screen that had more pictures of Olivia and Trevor on their wedding night.

"I'm curious to know how they even started to date, I know Olivia has befriended some defense attorney's in the past but she never cross me as someone who would date one, at that marry one." Amanda said trying to figure out how that even happened.

Casey laughed a little, "Yeah, we all wondered that when we caught her with him," Casey laughed at Munch and Fin's faces.

"Oh I got to hear that story, sounds interesting." Amanda said as she looked at Munch and Fin.

Casey couldn't help but laugh harder as the memory of that night flooded her mind. "Trust me it was an embarrassing moment for Olivia and Trevor and well the guys wished they had stayed in the car and waited for us."

 **Flashback: March 29, 2000**

 _Casey, Alex, and Melinda were laughing as they walked into the squad room of the 1-6_ _th_ _. "Hey guys, you ready to have some fun at the club." Casey said sounding like she had a head start on the drinking already causing the guys to laugh._

 _Elliot shook his head at her, "Yeah, Kathy should be here in a minute." Elliot said standing up to go put away a case file._

 _Alex scanned the room looking for her friend. "Is Liv in the cribs getting dress?" Alex asked knowing her friend like to change from her work clothes to something more appropriate for the club._

 _Fin shook his head, "I thought she wasn't coming, she left like an hour ago saying something about she had plans for the night."_

 _Melinda sighed in frustration, "Oh no, she is not cancelling on us again for this guy she's been dating who by the way she is refusing to tell us about." Melinda said pulling her phone out to call her friend, "Oh great she's not answering." Melinda said._

" _Ok new plan, when Kathy gets here we'll go by Olivia's place and drag her to the club with us whether she like it or not." Casey said firmly._

 _When Kathy showed up five minutes later they all headed to Olivia's place. On the way both Melinda and Alex tried to call Olivia multiple times but received no answer and this got Elliot worried. "Guys I know Liv, she would've called one of you back by now." Elliot's mind was quickly going to the worst case scenario._

" _El I'm sure she's fine, she probably want to be left alone, you worry too much about her." Kathy said knowing exactly where her husband's mind was going._

 _After arriving to Olivia's apartment building Alex and Melinda were going to go alone but Elliot, Fin, and Munch being the over protective brothers they were wanted to go up to make sure everything was ok with Olivia. Kathy blamed Elliot for planting the seed into Munch and Fin's mind that something was wrong with Olivia. So everyone headed up to Olivia's apartment and as they approached her door they heard something fall and break. Elliot, Fin, and Munch instantly pulled their guns pushing the ladies behind them before Elliot used his key to Olivia's place to open the door and rushed in but immediately stopping in their tracks at the sight before them, a naked Olivia up against a wall with a leg wrapped around none other than Trevor Langan._

 _Olivia eyes went wide when she spotted her friends standing by the door. "Oh my God, what…how," Olivia couldn't form words as she quickly realized the compromising position she was in and the fact that she was completely naked._

" _Wow, no wonder she didn't answer her phone," Casey quipped._

 _Olivia quickly dropped her leg and pulled Trevor with her to her bedroom, thankful that Trevor was willing to allow himself to continue to be exposed in order to shield her from any more embarrassment with her friends._

 _Elliot's shock quickly turned to anger, "I can't believe she's with that scum bag of a lawyer." Elliot said running his hand down his face._

 _Kathy sighed, "El, don't, Olivia can date or sleep with whoever she wants. You can't control her," Kathy said sternly._

" _Ok, her dating Langan is my least concern right now, I just saw Olivia who is like a sister to me naked and to make it worst she was having sex up against the wall, that's the last thing I want to see right now." Fin said trying to rid his mind of the memory that seemed to be burned into his mind._

" _Maybe we should just leave and um, go to the club without Olivia tonight. I highly doubt she'll come after this and I can really use a drink or two right now," Alex suggested._

 _Before anyone could respond, Olivia popped her head out from her bedroom not making eye contact with anyone, "I like that idea, now go and don't forget to lock up." Olivia yelled as she closed her bedroom door again._

 _Slowly everyone filed out of Olivia's apartment all wanting answers but decided they'll grill their friend later, that's if they can even look at her long enough to get an explanation._

 **End of flashback**

Amanda, Nick and Barba couldn't stop laughing at this point, "Oh my God, I know Olivia was just beyond embarrassed." Amanda said still laughing a little.

"Hey, I'm scared for life after that night. It took me weeks to look at Olivia without thinking about her being pushed up against the wall naked." Fin said making Amanda laugh even harder.

"I'm sorry Fin, I'm sure you are," Amanda said with a little laugh.

"Sorry Manda, but I'll have to agree with Fin, I couldn't bear to look at Olivia if I was there that night, because that image would be burned into my mind forever. It's bad enough that when I found out about her and Cassidy that she was just wearing his button down shirt and nothing else." Nick said remembering that moment before shaking his head.

Barba laughed at that, "Wow, Olivia got caught with her pants down twice with her co-workers."

Amanda glanced at a picture on the flat screen where Trevor stood behind Olivia with his arms wrapped around her both sporting smiles. "Did you guys ever find out how they started to date?" Amanda asked

Casey nodded, "Yup, but it was like two weeks later, we had gotten a major case that needed our full attention so that was pushed back, but trust me once that case was over we all went to her for some answers.

 **Flashback April 12, 2000**

 _The squad along with Alex, Casey and Melinda were all sitting around Alex's living room talking when Casey looked over to Olivia with a knowing look. "So…Olivia, tell us how you betrayed us by sleeping with the enemy?" Casey asked._

 _Olivia watched as everyone in the room turned towards her waiting for her to start explaining herself. She has been running different scenarios through her mind since that faithful night about how to explain to them her relationship with Trevor. She even asked Trevor for help on how to go about explaining what lead up to them dating. Taking a breath and a sip of her wine Olivia faced her friends. "Late last year when you three," Olivia said pointing to Casey, Alex and Melinda, "Stood me up for drinks I decided to still go because I needed one after the case we had. After about I don't know thirty minutes Trevor walked over and sat in the empty stole next to me, at first I tried to ignore him but I don't know what happened but before I knew it we were talking and laughing and the next thing I knew…"_

" _You woke up naked next him in bed." Casey said interrupting Olivia._

 _Olivia chuckled a little, "No, like I was saying before I knew it, it was after midnight and I was having the best time just talking to Trevor, not Langan but Trevor. I started to see him as a normal guy, attractive guy, rather than a defense attorney that got on my last nerve and wanted to strangle sometimes." Olivia took another sip of her wine before continuing. "Before I left I wanted to find out why he became a defense attorney, because he's one good lawyer, I felt like it was a waste of a talent to help guilty people. He laughed because he said he felt like he was actually using his talent. At first I wanted to slap him for being stupid but I gave him a chance to explain himself." Olivia closed her eyes briefly as she remembered that conversation. "Trevor mentioned how when he was in law school he always studied both sides of the table and after reading case after case of innocent people being sent to jail because of lack of counsel he wanted to do something about it. At first he was considering helping those who were innocent in jail get out but after a conversation with one of his professors and an inmate he said that he felt the best way to stop innocent people from going to jail was to make sure they got proper representation in court. It's strange but I really did start to understand why he became a defense attorney, and in a way I started to understand Trevor. I finally called it a night and Trevor offered to take me home, I agreed and we talked some more on the way to my place. It wasn't until I was in bed that night that I realize how much I really enjoyed being with Trevor. Over the next couple of weeks we would get together for drinks before he finally asked me out on an actual date and I agreed."_

" _Ok, I get that you start to understand why he became a lawyer, but why agree to go on a date with Trevor, what convinced you to agree to that?" Casey asked_

 _Olivia swirled the wine in her glass for a minute before looking up at Casey, "When he first asked me I was hesitant to go, because the only thing that ran through my mind was that he was a defense attorney and I was a detective, we were enemies. But then I started to think back to the many nights we would meet up for drinks and in those moments I wasn't a detective and he wasn't a defense attorney, we were just Olivia and Trevor hanging out and having fun. Even though I still didn't one hundred percent agree with his career choice I really started to see Trevor more as a person that made me laugh and help me forget the horrible things we see every day at work. He allowed me to be me, for once I felt like it was safe to let my guard down, and when I realized that, I agreed to go out with him. We were already hanging out like two to three times a week anyways." Olivia explained._

" _You're falling for Trevor, I never thought I'll see the day Olivia Benson is dare I say in love." Alex said watching her friend talking about Trevor, the entire time having the biggest smile on her face and there was a twinkle in her eyes as she talked._

 _Olivia's smiled widen if it was even possible at the comment, "Alex, I'm not falling in love with Trevor, I'm in love with Trevor. It feels so natural to love him. I finally found someone who I can be… that I can be myself with."_

" _Then you know what baby girl," Fin said gaining Olivia's attention, "I'm happy for you, just know if he hurts I'll personally make sure he die a slow and painful and I mean painful death." Fin said sternly not a hint of humor in his voice._

 _Olivia knew that it wasn't a threat but a promise, "I know Fin and thanks, I am happy." Olivia said turning towards Elliot who remained silent the entire time. "El," Olivia could only say, she just prayed that he would come around and accept her relationship with Trevor._

 _Elliot looked into Olivia's eyes and could only find love in them, after running his hand down his face and letting out a breath he shrugged. "Liv… I'm happy that you finally found someone to love and who will love you back, I just wish it wasn't Langan." Elliot pinched the bridge of his nose before continuing, "Just give me some time to get use to the idea ok. I understand where you're coming from and I'm going to try my best to get alone with Trevor. But I'm with Fin on this, if he hurts you, he better run and hid." Elliot said receiving a smile of gratitude from Olivia._

 _Melinda reached over to grab Olivia's hand, "Liv, I wasn't happy about this at all but after hearing how you started to see Trevor as well Trevor and not just a defense attorney and seeing in your eyes the love you have for him, I'm happy for you and will support you on this." Melinda said squeezing her friends' hand._

 _Olivia nodded thankfully towards her friend, "Thanks guys I really appreciate it, really I do and I know it's going to take some time for some to fully accept it but I'm grateful to you all and I'm sure when I tell Trevor he will too."_

 **End of flashback**

"Did, Stabler ever come around to liking Langan or was their always tension between them." Nick asked

Fin let out a chuckle, "Oh yeah he came around; once he got to know Trevor they were always hanging out, watching a game together or even going on double dates with Olivia and Trevor. Those two became so close he ended up being Trevor's best man in the wedding."

"Wow, yeah he did come around," Amanda stated

"You know I can understand Langan's reasons for becoming a defense attorney, at one point I wanted to become a defense attorney, but I reasoned that if the prosecutor did their job, then they will make sure the right person went to jail." Barba said as he started to understand the defense attorney a little more himself.

Casey nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I think if Olivia didn't understand and accept why Trevor decided to become a defense attorney then she wouldn't have been able to allow herself to hang out with him at that date the man." Casey mentioned. She was going to add something else when another picture popped up on the screen, Casey cursing herself for not turning that thing off.

"Are my eyes deceiving me, or is that a very pregnant Olivia in that picture." Nick asked as another picture of a very pregnant Olivia along with Fin and Elliot on each side of her popped onto the screen.

 **TBC**

 **Don't worry next chapter will reveal more answers to what happened but this will come from Olivia and Trevor remembering what happen, so they'll be in the next chapter. REVIEW!**


	3. Lost

**You guys are awesome, thanks for the reviews and welcome new comers.**

 **Also I am so sorry for the extreme delay, I was hoping to do an update before I went out of the country for vacation but I just got so busy I didn't have a chance to update before I left.**

 **I had someone leave a review that got me thinking and change direction slightly to thicken the plot, so thank you to** _ **Scoobfan93**_ **for giving me this idea.**

 **As you may have noticed in this chapter and the last one I started to date my flashbacks so that you're able to know when exactly those events took place. Once again, as a warning, there will be flashbacks in this chapter.**

 **Ok this chapter will concentrate more on Olivia and Trevor and it picks up where we left off in chapter 1 at the Italian restaurant.**

 **As always Read, Enjoy and Review.**

 **Chapter 3: Lost**

"Trevor," Olivia says softly as she set her hand on his shoulder.

Shaking his head a little he gave her a small smile, "Sorry, thanks for coming." Trevor says as he watched Olivia take a seat in front of him.

"What were you thinking about?" Olivia asked as she picked up the menu in front of her.

"Our wedding day," Trevor replies with a smile on his face as he took a sip of his wine. "You looked absolutely beautiful that day." Trevor added with a broader smile on his face. "I meant what I said earlier Liv, I miss you, I miss us."

Olivia gave him a small smile in return, "I miss us too." Olivia said before picking up her own glass of wine and taking a sip of it. "Thanks by the way," Olivia said as she nodded towards her glass.

Trevor nodded but before he could say anything else the waitress came to take their order. After the waitress left Trevor eyed Olivia for minute before speaking. "Why?"

Olivia looked up at Trevor, "Why, what?" Olivia asked playing dumb, knowing full well what he wanted to know.

Trevor sighed before shaking his head. "Why did you leave me? Why didn't you allow me to help you? Why run instead of staying and working together to get through it?" Trevor threw question after question at her, he was hurt and angry and he wanted answers.

Olivia licked her lips averting her eyes away from Trevor's. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't do it, I…everything was just too painful and I couldn't handle it." Olivia said as she tried to keep her tears at bay.

Trevor reached over grabbing her hand squeezing it, "You should've allowed me to help you, but instead you pushed me away…and… I allowed it." Trevor said in a defeated tone. "I thought if I gave you the space you needed to process everything, then when you were ready we would help each other but instead of you coming back I received divorce papers. You just gave up after you promised me that you would fight for us." Trevor watched as a couple of tears fell down her cheeks as their waitress bought them their food.

"I couldn't bear to look at you, because you reminded me of him." Olivia whispered as she wiped away the tears that escaped and fell down her cheeks.

Trevor swallowed hard at the revelation, giving her hand another squeeze, Trevor clear his throat, "Let's eat and then we can finish this conversation at my place." Trevor said, he knew they needed to have this conversation that was over five years late but it needed to be a private conversation. Trevor released Olivia's hand after receiving a nod of agreement and he started to eat.

They eat in relative silence as they were both absorbed in their own thoughts. Olivia's mind going back to the day her and Trevor found out that they were expecting their first child.

 **Flashback: April 1, 2010**

Trevor stood in the kitchen as he finished searing two steaks before popping the pan in the oven to allow it to finish cooking before turning his attention to the mashed potatoes and broccoli when he heard the front door open and close. Trevor wiped his hands off with the dish towel before making his way towards the main room to greet his wife. "Hey babe," Trevor said as he walked over to Olivia giving her quick kiss.

"Hey, smells good," Olivia said as she set a bag down on the coffee table before moving to take her jacket off.

Trevor reached over helping in the process, taking the jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. "Is that what I think it is in the bag?" Trevor asked as he eyed the paper bag on the coffee table.

Olivia nodded, "Yup," Olivia replied her nerves clearly evident in her voice.

Trevor walked over to her taking her into his arms, "I have a good feeling about this Liv, and this time… it feels different than the others."

Olivia gave him a small smile, "I hope you're right, we've been trying to get pregnant for a while now and have come up empty every time."

Trevor kissed the top of her head, "I know, it's frustrating but we can't give up hope yet." Trevor pulled back looking his wife in the eyes that were brimming with tears. "Plus in the process we've had a lot of fun trying to make a mini you or a mini me." Trevor teased wiggling his eyebrows causing Olivia to laugh. "There's that laugh I love, how about you go up and take the test while I go finish dinner." Trevor suggested.

Olivia nodded, "Ok," Olivia moved to pick up the bag and started to make her way upstairs before turning around looking at Trevor. "I'm so glad I married you, who else would cook me dinner." Olivia said making Trevor laugh.

Trevor watched as his wife disappeared upstairs before turning to make his way back to the kitchen, praying that the test come back positive.

Trevor was moving around the kitchen as he was finishing up dinner when Olivia walked into the kitchen. She realize that he was so concentrated on dinner that he didn't notice that she had enter the kitchen so she leaned against the wall as her earlier comment came to mind as she watched her husband finish dinner. "You know, you look sexy cooking dinner." Olivia said with a knowing smirk.

Trevor turned around at his wife's remark, "It's that comment that made me burn dinner last time." Trevor said with a knowing look as he pulled the steaks out of the oven and sitting them on the stove.

Olivia closed her eyes as she breathed in the aroma of the steak, potatoes and broccoli before opening her eyes startled when she saw Trevor right in front of her. "With dinner smelling amazing, I think I'll eat first then maybe we can enjoy dessert afterwards." Olivia said with a twinkle in her eyes as she ran a hand up his chest. But before Trevor could make a reply Olivia held up the pregnancy test in her other hand. "We have to wait five minutes before we get the results."

Trevor nodded already knowing the drill, "Do you want to eat then check for the results or wait until after the results before we eat dinner?" Trevor asked.

Olivia thought about it for minute, "Is dinner ready or do you still have to finish some things?" Olivia asked as she glanced around the kitchen.

Trevor nodded, "Still waiting for the bread to finishing baking, by the time its finish we'll have the results." Trevor said thankful that he remembered the bread.

Olivia nodded, "Ok then, I'll set the table and grab a bottle of…" Olivia paused, she wanted to say wine but she didn't want to risk drinking wine if she was pregnant. "Bottle of sparkling juice," Olivia finally decided.

Trevor gave her a smile knowing exactly what she wanted to drink, but thinking like a loving mother decided to forgo her wine for sparkling juice for dinner for the sake of their child that was potentially growing within her. Trevor leaned forward and kissed her forehead, "I love you Liv." Trevor said before going to check on the bread.

Olivia moved to start setting the table trying to keep her mind off the little white stick that could either make her dream of becoming a mother come true or shatter it in less than five minutes. Being a mother would be the last piece in her life that would make it complete. Olivia nearly jumped when she felt Trevor's hand on her shoulder.

"You ok Liv," Trevor asked, concern laced in his voice.

Olivia nodded, "Yeah, sorry I spaced out a little." Olivia said before turning to place the last fork on the table.

Both Trevor and Olivia turned towards the main room when her alarm went off on her phone signaling that it was time to check the test. Trevor reached for Olivia's hand before they both made their way towards the living room both squeezing each other's hand to help with the nerves. When they approach the coffee table Olivia turned to Trevor, "You look, I'm too nervous." Olivia said as she glanced back down at the test. She couldn't understand why she was so nervous, she done this five times already over the past six months, maybe Trevor was right, maybe this was different, maybe within her there was a little life growing.

Trevor once again set a gentle hand Olivia's shoulder trying to get her attention, "Liv, did you hear me." Trevor said trying to suppress a chuckle.

Olivia shook her head, "Sorry, so…" Olivia said biting her lip trying to remember to breath.

A wide smile spread across his face as he held up a positive pregnancy test. "We're going to be parents." Trevor said as tears started to fill his eyes.

Olivia covered her mouth as she started to cry, "I'm going to be a mother." Olivia whispered

Trevor nodded in agreement, "Yes you are."

 **END OF FLASHBACK**

After finishing dinner Olivia and Trevor had made their way towards his place, the drive there was filled with silence until Trevor let out a chuckle. Olivia glanced over at Trevor, "What's so funny." Olivia would never admit it to him but hearing him laugh warmed her heart, she missed his laugh.

"Veronica sent me like twenty text messages since I stepped into that restaurant." Trevor said glancing over at Olivia before turning back to the road.

Olivia laughed at that statement, "I see Veronica hasn't changed a bit." Olivia said as she thought about his sister who reminded her of Casey in so many ways. "How did she find out about our dinner tonight?"

"Um, she texted me earlier wanting to go out for dinner but I told her I was meeting you for dinner without thinking." Trevor said

Olivia nodded, "And now she's probably thinking that we're getting back together." Olivia said knowingly

"Yup," Trevor simply said as he pulled up at his place.

Olivia's eyes went wide, "Trevor, this is, this is…"

"Our old place, yeah, I never got rid of it, I made some changes in side but, I guess keeping the house gave me hope that one day we would finally find our back to each other." Trevor said staring at Olivia watching as tears fell down her face. Reaching over Trevor wiped the tears away with his thump, "Liv, look at me." Trevor pleaded

"I want to but every time I look at you I see him, he was slitting image of you and I couldn't bear it and the house was suppose be where he grew up and played and scraped his knee and yelled at us and said how much he hates us." Olivia choked out as she cried harder and harder. "I'm sorry ok, I'm sorry that I couldn't bear to look at you, I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to stick it out, to try to make our marriage work…I'm sorry I killed our baby." Olivia whispered the last past before finally crying so hard she could barely breathe.

Trevor got out of the car and rushed over to Olivia's side of the car before opening the door and unbuckling her seatbelt and pulling her out as he embraced her. "Listen to me, You. Did. Not. Kill. Our. Son." Trevor said stressing each word. "Mason died from natural causes the doctors told us that, even Melinda agreed with the doctor. His death was not your fault." Trevor said firmly.

"I was supposed to protect him, keep him safe. I should've known something was wrong, I should've gone to the hospital sooner." Olivia hiccupped as she tried to calm down.

"Liv, the doctors said there was nothing you or anyone could've done. Sometimes babies just die in womb for no reason." Trevor said as he rubbed her back trying his best to comfort her. "You can't keep blaming yourself," Trevor said pulling back to look her in the face, "I don't blame you, no one blames you Olivia. The only one blaming you is yourself, and you know better." Trevor glanced towards the house, "I'm sorry I brought you here," Trevor sighed, "I wasn't thinking." Trevor added

Olivia shook her head, "No, I need to do this I have to face this sooner or later." Olivia took a deep breath as she looked at her old house, the house that Trevor and her were supposed to make as their home as they started their family together.

Trevor moved beside her and grabbed her hand giving it an encouraging squeeze, "I'm right here Liv." Trevor said wanting to provide as much support as possible.

Olivia squeezed Trevor's hand back as she started towards the house. She felt every step she made was her making one step closer to finally moving forward. It was at that moment that she was grateful that Trevor had showed up at the precinct that day. It was also at that moment having him there by her side that she was grateful that he never signed the divorce papers.

 **TBC….**

 **Oh boy and the plot thicken.**

 **REVIEW!**


	4. Revelation

**Thanks for the great reviews guys, please keep them coming.**

 **Warning this chapter will have another flashback and it will pick up from chapter 2 at Casey and Fin's place. I promise those who are slightly confused about the baby this chapter will hopefully clear it up.**

 **Well on with the story, enjoy and don't forget to review.**

 **Chapter 4: Revelation**

Casey glanced over at Fin and Munch trying to figure out how to approach the subject. Letting out a breathe Casey turned towards the small group who were all staring at them. "Yes, Olivia was pregnant."

"So, what happened to the baby?" Amanda asked, "I know she wouldn't let Trevor gain full custody of her child, she'll die before she let that happen."

Casey nodded in agreement, "Yeah you're right about that." Casey paused looking towards Fin and Munch once again for help but neither seemed willing to help out. "Olivia and Trevor lost their child in death, less than three weeks before her due date." Casey said seeing the shock looks on their faces. "Yeah, it was a shock to us and them. In fact the day before she lost the baby we had just thrown her a surprise baby shower and Trevor sister, Veronica and Alex took Olivia for a full spa day before bringing her back to the house for the baby shower."

"A wonderful day turned into a tragic day." Munch whispered as he glanced up at the group as he related that day when everyone rushed to the hospital.

 **Flashback: November 5, 2010**

Munch and Fin rushed into the hospital finding just about everyone standing and sitting in the waiting room. "What happened?" Fin asked as they approached the large group.

Elliot turned towards them, "Trevor said when they woke up this morning Olivia said something didn't feel right. He thought maybe it was from the long day yesterday and that she just needed to rest."

"We all thought that. But Olivia was beginning to worry and I told her as she starts to get close to her due date that she'll start to feel uncomfortable and stuff and that she'll just need to take it easy that day and she'll be fine." Evelyn Trevor's mother said. "But a couple of hours later she started to feel some cramping, thinking it was contractions I told her to just breath through it and time them." Evelyn shook her head as tears started to fall down her cheeks. "I should've let her listen to her gut and taken her to the hospital sooner but I just kept telling her that everything was fine."

"Evelyn this is not your fault, no one could have known that something was wrong." Alex said as she tried to comfort Evelyn as she took over in explaining what happened. "Olivia was still worrying about the baby so Trevor wanting to put her worries at ease decided to go ahead and bring her to the hospital. The doctor even thought that it wasn't nothing to worry about, that she was experiencing false labor pains but to put her worry to ease did an ultrasound so that she can see for herself that the baby was ok." Alex paused as she took a breath stilling her emotions. "When they did the ultrasound they couldn't find a heartbeat, the doctor tried to find one for ten minutes but the heartbeat wasn't there. That's when Olivia's OBGYN showed up and tried to find the heartbeat but even she couldn't and decided that the baby… had died." Alex choked out as she lost the battle and the tears started to stream down her face, her heart breaking for her friends.

"No," Fin could only say as he stood there in shock.

Munch moved towards Alex and pulled her into a hug. "What's the next step for them now?" Munch asked.

"They're giving them an option, either they can do a c-section or they can induce labor." Cragen answered

"It's basically picking your poison, either she'll have to go through excruciating pain now or have to go through a long painful recovery." Veronica said as her heart broke for her brother and sister in-law. No one should have to go through this, to experience the lost of a child, a child that they love and desperately wanted for years.

"That's messed up, she can't just get an epidural so that she can avoid the pain all together?" Fin asked

Before anyone could answer they saw Trevor walking through the corridors, everyone could plainly see that he had been crying and from the wet spot on his shirt that he held Olivia as she cried. Veronica walked over to her brother along with their mother Evelyn. No one really knew what to say to him, other than they were sorry for their lost but even that felt like it wouldn't help. It would have been even more worthless to ask him how he and Olivia were doing.

Evelyn pulled her son into a tight embrace as she watched more tears make their way down his face. "Trevor, I know this is hard for both you and Olivia, but just know that I'm here for you, that we are all here for you two." Evelyn pulled back using a thump to wipe away the tears from his face, "We're here you guys, anything we can do to help just let us know." Evelyn said with a sad smile.

"Mom's right Trevor, anything we can do for you or Olivia just let us know." Veronica said setting a comforting hand on his arm.

Trevor shook his head, "I don't know how to help her mom, I want to help Liv but I come up empty, the only thing I can think of is to just hold her as she cries." Trevor said looking at his mother, needing advice in how to help and comfort his wife.

"Oh honey, that's the best thing you can do is just hold her and let her know that you're there for her." Evelyn encourage, "Have you guys figured out what you'll going to do?" Evelyn asked wanting so bad to take the pain away from them.

Trevor nodded, "Yeah, we're going to induce labor, then she'll get an epidural to help with the pain." Trevor said

Evelyn nodded, "Why don't you go get some fresh air and coffee…"

"Mom I can't," Trevor said interrupting his mother. "I need to get back to Olivia I don't want to leave her alone to long."

Evelyn shook her head, "She won't I'll be there with her. You know I consider Liv as my daughter and I want to go and give her a hug and comfort her." Evelyn said as she started to walk away leaving no room for argument.

Elliot and Fin approach Trevor, "Come on man, let's go grab some coffee so that you'll have the energy to be there for Baby Girl during labor and delivery." Fin said as the three of them made their way towards the exit, as the rest of the group took a seat in the waiting room.

SVU

Evelyn said a little prayer as she made her way towards Olivia's room, asking God to give her children the strength to get through this tragic event that they were experiencing at the moment. Taking hold of the doorknob Evelyn took a deep breath as she turned the knob, walking into the room her heart broke even more as she watched her daughter in-law in bed tears streaming down her face whispering repeatedly how sorry she was that she let her son down. Moving towards her, Evelyn set a gentle hand on Olivia's shoulder gaining her attention. "Liv, sweetheart this isn't your fault." Evelyn pulled her into a warm embrace as she felt Olivia shake under her arms as she sobbed. "You did everything right Olivia, the doctors even told you that." Evelyn paused as tears started to cascade down her cheeks; she tried to gather her thoughts. "Babies… sometimes they just die for no reason, and sometimes that's the hard part, not having any answers. But I promise you Olivia that you'll get through this, with me, Trevor and everyone else's help, you'll get through this." Evelyn finished as she started to rock back and forth rubbing a hand up and down Olivia's back trying her best to soothe Olivia.

"I don't think I can do this, give birth to my son and then have to bury him. My heart is so shattered right now it can't be repaired and even if it can, there will always be a whole there." Olivia choked out trying to breathe but she was so overcome with grief she couldn't help but cry. "I don't think I can get over this," Olivia finished.

"Sweetheart, you'll never going to get over the death of Mason, he will always hold a special place in your heart, even my heart. But over time you'll learn how to live with it and live your life with just the memory of him." Evelyn stopped when there was a knock at the door and it opened revealing the doctor and a nurse.

"Sorry to interrupt Olivia," Dr. Mitchell said as she move to stand in front of the bed as the door opened again revealing Trevor who made his way over to the other side of the bed to be by his wife side. "I hate to rush you guys but I need to know if you guys decided on how to go about the delivery?" Dr. Mitchell asked looking between Trevor and Olivia.

Trevor nodded, "Yeah, she wants to be induced and then given an epidural to help with the pain." Trevor said

Dr. Mitchell nodded, "I understand this will be hard for you both, and I am going to do everything I can to make it as easy as possible." Dr. Mitchell sat on the bed next to Olivia setting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Olivia I am so sorry this happened, and… I wish I could give you answers to why this happen or even had prevented this." Dr. Mitchell paused for minute, "I have had patients who have gone through exactly what you are going through and they manage to move on, to live with the lost and I know you'll be able to do the same with time." Dr. Mitchell stood up when her pager went off, "Sorry I have to take this but the nurse will administer Pitocin to start the contractions then in a couple of hours we'll give you the epidural before the contractions become too strong. Hopefully the labor won't last to long." Dr. Mitchell took a breath, "Once again Olivia and Trevor I am so sorry for the lost."

"Thanks Nancy, we appreciate all your help." Trevor said as he stood up shaking the doctor's hand.

Dr. Mitchell nodded as she shook Trevor's hand giving him a sad smile before making her way out of the room.

In the waiting room Alex looked over at Veronica, "Do you think we should go and clean up all the gifts from the baby shower at the house?" Alex asked thinking it would be too hard for either Trevor or Olivia to go through the house and remove the baby stuff, and she felt like she needed to do something to help her friend.

Veronica shrugged, "I'm not sure, I think it's a good idea but I hate to do it and it's something they weren't ready for yet." It was something Veronica has been debating about since they got the news about the death of her nephew Mason. One thing she knew for sure was that it would be hard for them to return home and have baby furniture and clothes everywhere around the house that would remind them of their son, remind them of what could have been.

Casey sitting next to Alex nodded in agreement, "I'm thinking the same thing too."

"We could just wait until afterwards and check with them to see if that's something they want us to help them with so that they wouldn't have to go through that." Melinda suggested receiving nods of agreement from Casey, Alex and Veronica.

One thing everyone knew at the moment was that their friends needed them right now and they were going to be there any way possible to help them get through this tragic event in their lives. It was going to be a long road but they knew in time they would be able to move forward and learn to live with the pain of losing their son.

 **END OF FLASHBACK**

Amanda wiped away the tears that had escaped her eyes, "I couldn't even imagine the pain Olivia and Trevor must have gone through in losing their son."

"How long was she in labor for?" Barba asked, hoping that his friend didn't have to endure a long labor and delivery.

"Seven hours but it felt like eternity for us all especially Olivia and Trevor." Munch answered.

"The lost of Mason was too much for Olivia as you can imagine. They had Melinda do an autopsy to determine what caused the death, but like the doctors she had no answers so she ruled it as a natural cause. Trevor was able to move forward and learn to live with the pain but Olivia, she couldn't handle it." Casey said as she thought about her friend, "Mason looked just like Trevor, it was his mini me, and that's what broke Olivia even more because every time she looked at her husband she saw her son, she was reminded of him so she left, she didn't want to deal with the pain. Trevor tried to help but she just pushed him away and sent divorce papers."

"Elliot her partner tried to talk some sense into her but she said the only way for her to move on was to start fresh and I guess that included leaving Trevor." Fin added

"Wow," Was the only thing Nick could say.

Everyone was startled when there was a knock at the door. "Oh, that's probably Mel, I texted her to come over." Casey said as she stood up making her way towards the front door and opening it.

"Hey Casey," Melinda greeted as she hugged her long time friend. "Guess who I ran into downstairs." Melinda said turning to the surprise guest.

Casey eyes went wide, "Veronica, oh my god, it's been years." Casey said as she moved to pull Veronica into a hug.

Veronica laughed, "I know, it's been to long Casey." Veronica said as she moved so that Casey could close the door.

The three of them move towards the main room where everyone turned to see who was joining them that evening. "Veronica, hey, how are you doing?" Fin asked as he gave her a hug.

"I'm doing great Fin." Veronica said as she pulled back and greeted Munch.

After Casey introduced everyone they all got themselves situated again in their respective seats before Casey turned her attention to Veronica. "So what brings you by?"

"Well, I was in the city and wanted to have dinner with Trevor but he blew me off so that he could have dinner with Olivia, so I couldn't stay mad at him, because if this dinner means they have a chance to get back together then I don't mind."

"Wait, Trevor and Olivia are having dinner together, alone." Fin asked in shock, "I know they were nice to each other at work earlier but the two of them alone could be disastrous for them." Fin added.

Veronica nodded, "True but it could also result in them getting back together, which I and mom desperately want, even Trevor."

"Trevor wants to get back with Olivia. I know the divorce was mutual…"

"What divorce?" Veronica said interrupting Melinda. "I thought you guys knew, Trevor never signed the divorce papers, so legally they're still married." Veronica said looking around at the shock faces in the room.

 **TBC**

 **So everyone finds out that Olivia and Trevor aren't divorce. I wonder how they'll take the news and how Olivia will react when she finds out the entire squad found out about her and Trevor and that they're still married. Until next time and don't forget to leave a review.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	5. Progress

**I am sorry for the extreme delay, little time and writers blocked has affected updates. This chapter picks up from chapter 4. Well on with the story enjoy and don't forget to review afterwards.**

 **Previously on Secrets:**

"Wait, Trevor and Olivia are having dinner together, alone." Fin asked in shock, "I know they were nice to each other at work earlier but the two of them alone could be disastrous for them." Fin added.

Veronica nodded, "True but it could also result in them getting back together, which I and mom desperately want, even Trevor."

"Trevor wants to get back with Olivia. I know the divorce was mutual…"

"What divorce?" Veronica said interrupting Melinda. "I thought you guys knew, Trevor never signed the divorce papers, so legally they're still married." Veronica said looking around at the shock faces in the room.

 **Chapter 5: Progress**

Melinda shook her head in disbelief. "They're still married, how did we not know this. I was for sure Olivia said she got divorce paper drawn up and that she sent them to Trevor."

Veronica nodded, "She did, but Trevor never signed them, he wasn't going to give up on their marriage that easy."

"How come Olivia didn't just take Trevor to court to get him to sign the papers." Barba asked knowing that if she had just taken him to court a judge could've ordered him to sign the papers.

"I was just thinking the same thing. Olivia could've had a judge order him to sign the papers." Casey said in agreement.

Veronica couldn't agree more with them but she felt that Olivia didn't force him to sign the papers because despite the loss of their son she still loved Trevor with all her heart. "Olivia didn't want it to turn into a messy divorce so I guess she didn't push for him to sign, hoping that with time he'll come around and sign them." Veronica decided to say half the truth not wanting to divulge the rest of the reason, she figured there was a reason Olivia kept this little information to herself.

"Maybe Trevor didn't sign the paper because he was hoping that over time Olivia would come around and decide to work on their marriage." Nick said knowing from experience that when he was going through his divorce with his wife he didn't want to sign the papers either hoping that his wife would come around.

Veronica glanced over at Nick, "Nailed it." Veronica said giving Nick a smile. "Have to admit though, I was hoping for the same thing along with our mother."

Casey let out a chuckle, "Olivia and Trevor were amazing together. We all knew that their marriage would last for years. The love they have for each other ran deep, so it was a surprise to us all when we thought that they had gotten a divorce." Casey explained

"Hence when Trevor said he had dinner plans with Olivia I wasn't mad when he blew me off for dinner and I even said a little prayer that they find a way to get back together." Veronica said as Amanda's phone rang.

Amanda excused herself as she walked into the kitchen to take the call. "Have you heard anything yet from Trevor?" Melinda asked

Veronica shook her head, "Nope, I texted him like a hundred times too and not one response. I just take that as a sign that thing is going well between them. That's why I came here so that I would stop bothering him for a while so that he could concentrate on fixing things with Olivia." Veronica as Amanda walked back into the main room.

"Sorry guys but something just came up with the case." Amanda said feeling bad that she had to end their night early.

Fin stood up, "What happened?" Fin asked as he moved to grab his gun and badge.

"The safe house we took Ellie to just called, they did bed checks and she wasn't there. They mentioned that Ellie was looking for a fix." Amanda said as she moved to put on her shoes.

"So, she probably is heading right back to Little Tino." Fin said knowing exactly what Amanda was thinking.

"God, I hate to break up Olivia's evening but I'm sure she would want to know what's going on with Ellie." Amanda said feeling horrible for having to interrupt Olivia's evening.

"Let's wait before we call her, if we can't figure out where Ellie went then we call her." Fin suggested receiving a nod in agreement from Amanda. Fin moved over towards Casey giving her a quick kiss. "I'll see you later babe." Fin said before exiting out of the apartment with Amanda and Barba right behind him.

 *****SVU*****

Olivia stood at the threshold of her former home as she glanced around noticing some of the changes that Trevor made and some familiar things. She felt Trevor lay a hand on her shoulder, "I like the turquoise on that wall it pops but not too much." Olivia said with a slight smile playing on her lips as she looked at the wall that was painted turquoise and the fire place had a marble white frame around it. Olivia's eyes caught the picture that was hanging over the fireplace it was a picture of them on their wedding day, a black and white photo, Trevor had his arms wrapped around her as he kissed the back of her head while she stared at the camera with the biggest smile on her face as she clasps her hands over Trevor's. "That was my favorite picture of us two on our wedding day." Olivia said smiling as she turned to face Trevor.

Trevor nodded in agreement, "I know, it's my favorite also." Trevor said stepping closer to Olivia. "In that picture, or at that moment I realized that I was truly the happiest man on earth. Liv the love I felt at that moment was unbelievably deep and pure and I … I never stopped loving you." Trevor pausing as he guided Olivia to the couch. "Do you want something to drink?" Trevor asked.

"Water is fine, thanks." Olivia said as she watched Trevor walked into in the kitchen before glancing again around the house before she just stared at the stairs that led up to their bedroom and to what was supposed to be their son Mason's room. "It's been over five years since he died and it still feels like it was yesterday." Olivia said with unshed tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't be strong enough to stick around." Olivia said before making eye contact with Trevor. "Part of me felt like it was a mistake to hold Mason because when I saw his face, God Trevor he was a mini you and I bet he had your eyes. Every time I looked at you I just saw our son, and my heart just kept breaking over, and over again. I figured if I just left and didn't see you I could forget and be able to live again and move on."

"But you didn't," Trevor stated as he moved to sit next to Olivia handing her the glass of water.

Olivia nodded as she took a sip of the water. "At first, I thought I did, because I was more focus on Elliot leaving without a goodbye or anything to me and trying to get use to my new partner, but…" Olivia said trailing off

"But then when things settle reality hit." Trevor said finishing her thought.

"Yeah, but, when the whole Lewis thing happened, I started seeing a therapist he helped me work through it. He even talked to me about why I haven't pushed harder to have you sign the divorce papers." Olivia reached over and sat her glass of water down on the coffee table before taking Trevor hands into hers. "It was through my sessions that I realize that I still love you and I made a mistake in leaving you not thinking about how you were doing with everything. And I am sorry for not taking your feeling into consideration."

"It was hard losing my son and seeing the women I love in unbearable pain and I didn't know how to help. It did crush me when I received the divorce papers from you." Trevor let out a breath as he looked down at their conjoined hands. "In a years' time, I not only lost my son but I lost the love of my life." Trevor cleared his throat trying to swallow the lump of emotions that was starting to bubble forth.

Olivia blinked the tears away that was threatening to fall, "I am so sorry Trevor for hurting you. I don't think I could ever make up for the pain that I put you through." Olivia pulled her hand away from Trevor's and wiped away the tears that had escaped. "I was selfish in just thinking about myself and my own pain."

"Olivia, I don't see it as selfish," Trevor said reassuring as he used a thumb to wipe away another tear that slid down Olivia's cheek. "The way I see it is that you were so overcome with grief that you couldn't think clearly, you were looking for a way to deal with your pain and at that moment you felt that the only way to deal with that pain was to leave. I have to admit that I was pissed off when I got those divorce papers because you had made me a promise to never run, to not push me away when things got tough."

"What changed?" Olivia asked, knowing that Trevor had every right to be pissed off at her.

Trevor couldn't help the smile that formed on his face, "My mother, that is what changed. I told her how I was feeling about the losing Mason and then losing my wife. She comforted me the way a mother does and then she helped me to see the pain you were in also, and that the pain was just unbearable for you and that pain lead you to push me away." Trevor grabbed Olivia's hands holding them, "Liv I just wished you had allowed me to help you. It was like you just shut down on me and I didn't know how to help you and before I knew it I got divorce papers from you." Trevor said trying to keep the tears at bay.

Olivia pulled one of her hands out of his grasps and set her hand on the side of his face, rubbing his cheek with her thump. "Trevor…" Olivia started as she closed her eyes taking a couple of deep breaths. "I wish I could change things, go back in time and talk to you and not have shut you out." Olivia said with a sad smile.

Trevor moved a hand to cover Olivia's hand. "Liv, when I got the divorce paper and didn't sign them, I expected to see a lawyer come by my office with a court order to get me to sign them, but that never happen. You said that you didn't force me to sign them because you still love me, but why didn't you come and talk to me so that we could work on things?" For the past couple of years Trevor have wondered why Olivia never forced him to sign the papers.

Olivia tore her eyes away from Trevor's glancing over at the forgotten glass of water. Olivia let out a breath, "I was afraid to tell you that I think I made a mistake and that I wanted you back."

"Liv why would you be afraid to tell…"

"Because I knew you were pissed off at me for leaving, for giving up on our marriage." Olivia said interrupting Trevor. "I couldn't bring myself to face you, to see the hurt I caused you." Olivia said just above a whisper.

Trevor nodded in understanding, "I was pissed but I would never take that out on you Liv, I would have wanted answers but I would have been more willing to try to fix us then take out my anger on you or try to get revenge." Trevor grabbed Olivia's chin making her look him in the eye. "Liv, I love you and would have done everything in my power to keep us together if I had known you still loved me and wanted to be with me."

"I never really stopped loving you," Olivia said with a smile.

Trevor took a couple of seconds to look Olivia in the eyes knowing that she was sincere about her feeling. Throwing caution to the wind Trevor leaned forward and gently kissed Olivia for the first time in four years. Trevor felt Olivia place both of her hands on both sides of his face as they deepen the kiss. Trevor groaned when he heard Olivia's phone ringing. Pulling back, he gave her a sad smile as he watched her reach into her pocket to grab her phone. Trevor knew that it was work and from the look on Olivia's face it wasn't good. "Is everything ok?" Trevor asked standing up as he watched Olivia stand up also and grab her purse.

Olivia shook her head, "No umm, that was Rollins, Ellie is missing, they think she went back to Little Tino." Olivia said pausing at the door. "I'll call you, we need to talk some more."

Trevor nodded, "Yeah we do, let me know when you find Ellie, I'm still representing her."

Olivia nodded, "Can you try calling her for me? She seems to trust you, so maybe she'll answer your call." Olivia asked receiving a nod from Trevor, "thanks, I'll call you later." Olivia said before walking out of the house but stopping as she realized that she didn't drive here and that it will be a minute before a taxi could come. Olivia turned around to find Trevor standing there smiling.

Trevor held his hands up knowing exactly what was going through her mind. "I just realized it myself, I'll drive you and try to call Ellie on the way." Trevor said as he stepped out of the house closing the door behind him. As he walked towards the car with Olivia he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he thought about the possibility of them rekindling their marriage.

 **TBC**

 **Thanks for reading, as always leave a review.**


	6. Forgiveness

**Thanks for the reviews guys, please keep them coming. A quick note I'm leaving something about the case out because well it's just not relevant with the story, so don't be surprise if certain things aren't mentioned. Well on with the story.**

 **Chapter 6: Forgiveness**

After discovering Ellie's burned body and questioning Little Tino to give up the person who ordered the death of Ellie, Olivia walked into her apartment with Trevor right behind her. "I can't believe Little Tino is going to take the hit for Ellie's murder knowing good and well that he's innocent." Olivia said in frustration as she threw her keys on the coffee table along with her purse. "Want a glass of wine?" Olivia asked as she made her way over to the cabinet that housed the diverse types of wines and wine glasses.

Trevor nodded as he took off his suit jacket and set it on the back of the chair and loosening up his tie as he watched Olivia going through the various of wine to pick through before pulling out a bottle. "Nice little place you have here." Trevor said as he glanced around the small apartment.

"Thanks, Brian and I got it almost a…" Olivia stopped abruptly midsentence as she set the bottle of wine down as the realization of what she was saying hit her. Olivia licked her lips before looking up at Trevor who stood staring at her, and she could see the slightest hint of hurt on his face. "Trevor…" Olivia could only say.

It took a minute to really process the idea that his estrange wife dated someone, no, not only did she date someone but apparently, she developed strong feelings for someone to the point where she moved in with him. "Brian, the person who you had a one night stand with right?" Trevor inquired, as he tried to keep his emotions in check. He knew if he lost his cool with Olivia she could potentially shut down and their little progress that they made would be lost.

Olivia nodded as she absentmindedly poured wine into the second glass taking the moment to gather her thoughts knowing full well that Trevor was watching her every move. Olivia grabbed the two glasses of wine before making her way over to Trevor handing him one before making her way to the couch and sitting down.

Trevor watched her for a second now wishing that he had a glass of scotch for this conversation. Trevor moved to sit in the chair next to the couch that held his jacket. "Did he know that you were still married?"

Olivia finally looked away from her glass of wine and looked over at Trevor. "No, I uh…couldn't bring myself to tell him."

"Liv…" Trevor set his glass down on the coffee table and set back in the chair as he rubbed his temples.

Taking a deep breath Olivia mimicked Trevor as she set her glass of wine down on the coffee table and sitting back on the couch moving her legs under herself as she prepared herself for the conversation. "Trevor I'm sorry, when Brian came along a lot was going on and it just happen and it felt good to be with someone again."

"You had someone, you had me Liv. You could've came back home to your husband." Trevor seethed out losing the battle over his emotions.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, "A husband who I sent divorce papers to, who at that moment I didn't want to be with." Olivia threw right back at him.

Trevor's eyes snapped up at her, before softening knowing that she was right. "How many people did you date during," Trevor paused as he moved his hands in the air trying to figure out what they were.

"While we were separated," Olivia said helping him out. "Two, there was an A.D.A, David Haden, we dated for a couple of months before breaking up because of our jobs. Then there was Brian as you know already."

"How long were you two together for, you and Brian?" Trevor inquired wanting, no needing to know.

"Almost two years." Olivia said as she blinked away the tears knowing where his line of questioning was going.

"Why did you two break up?" Trevor asked knowing that this was hard on her but it was hard on him to hear that his estrange wife was with other people, one whom she lived with for a time. He needed to know not only for him but for them both, so that they could move forward if they wanted things to work out between them. No more secrets.

Olivia closed her eyes before looking over at Trevor, "Because he… he wouldn't commit any further then us living together." Olivia said as she allowed the tears to fall as she saw the hurt all over again in Trevor's eyes.

Trevor tried his best to keep the tears from falling but failed as some escaped and glided down his cheeks. "You wanted to marry him." Trevor said more as a statement then a question. "Did you love him?" Trevor asked dreading the answer that he would hear, but hoping, praying that she would say no, but knowing deep down that she would say yes.

Olivia shook her head, "Trevor you don't…"

"Olivia, did you, love him?" Trevor stressed again.

Olivia let out a slow breath as she closed her eyes, "Yes." Olivia said as she heard Trevor stand up. Olivia opened her eyes to try and catch his eyes but he refused to even look in her direction. "Trevor…" Olivia wanted to explain herself but the words failed on her lips.

Trevor moved to stand in front of the window as he tried to figure out where they were supposed to go from here. "Do you still love him?" Trevor asked still looking out the window.

Olivia knew she hurt him bad, she may not be able to see his face but she knew there were tears falling down his face because she could hear the tears in his voice. "No, I didn't love him the way I love you. Yes, I broke up with him because he didn't want to get married but we broke up because we finally realized that the love we felt for each other was not the love that will make a happy and healthy marriage. It wasn't the love we, you and I share or shared, Brian and I weren't right for each other." Olivia said trying to explain the feeling she had for Brian. Olivia stood up and moved towards Trevor grabbing his hands as she turned him towards her making him look her in the eyes. Olivia's heart broke when she saw his tear stained face. "Trevor, I am so sorry that I hurt you. You must understand where I'm coming from, I had already decided in my mind that we were divorce even though you refused to sign the papers. I wasn't going to sit around hoping that one day we would be together." Olivia squeezed his hands wanting to let what she said sink in. "Even though I still loved you at that time I wanted to move forward and not live in the past or allow my past to keep me from living and trying to find happiness again in my life."

Trevor nodded in part understanding, "If you wanted to move forward then why not force me to sign the papers?" Trevor asked as he pulled his hands from Olivia's grasps.

"Would you have signed them?" Olivia threw right back him.

Trevor's eyes snapped up to Olivia, "As much as it would have hurt me to do so, knowing that you had moved on, I would have signed them. I wouldn't have stopped you from being happy." Trevor admitted, "But I don't believe you wanted the divorce papers signed. You may have decided in your mind that we were divorced but deep down in your heart you still wanted to be with me. If you truly wanted that divorce then you would've made sure I signed those papers." Trevor added

Olivia stared at Trevor for a minute, "I may have still wanted to be with you, but my mind was out weighing my heart at that moment. The heart may want a lot of things but sometimes its best if you don't follow it, unless you'll get hurt all over again and I wanted to avoid that." Olivia said in her defense. "If you wanted me to be happy then why not sign them when I first sent them?" Olivia questioned going back to his first statement.

"Because I thought you were acting in grief, but if you had come to me and could tell me that you found someone else and had fallen in love with him…" Trevor moved his eyes from Olivia to the window, "I would've reluctantly signed them and let you be happy." Trevor turned back towards Olivia, "You never answered my question, I answered yours, now answer my question. If you wanted to move forward then why not force me to sign the papers? There's no I didn't want a messy divorce, even you knew I would have signed them." Trevor said knowing good and well she was stalling when she asked him those questions.

Olivia wonder the same thing after she sent the papers and never received them back signed. "I wanted to, there were days I would scroll to your name and hover over the call button but never could bring myself to tap it. I still loved you but I just couldn't bring myself to come back to you so I force myself to move on with Brian. I knew I should've told him about you and that I should've called you and told you that I needed the papers signed, but after a while I knew me and Brian wasn't meant for each other. I was ready to end it with him but, Lewis happen and he was there for me, helping me through it and being very patient with me. Once things settle down and when he was excited that I wasn't pregnant after I thought I was I couldn't stay with him." Olivia paused for a second before continuing. "After Brian, I knew if I wanted to truly move forward whether it be with you or with someone else I needed to figure out what I wanted and find a way to talk to you." Olivia said knowing she was rambling and probably not really making any sense to Trevor hence why she wanted to talk things out with her therapist before calling and talking with Trevor.

"When did you and Brian break up?" Trevor asked watching her, knowing she was trying to get her thoughts and feeling to make sense to her and him.

"About two months ago." Olivia said as she ran a hand through her hair. "If you want to sign the papers now I'll understand." Olivia added figuring Trevor wouldn't want to try to work on them now.

Trevor stood there for a minute watching the love of his life struggle with whatever was in her head. Trevor sighed before moving closer to Olivia watching as she tried to avoid his eyes. "Liv…" Trevor said as he grabbed her hands and giving them a squeezed making her look at him. "I never said I was going to sign them, especially now. Did it hurt to hear you say that you considered marrying someone else, yes. Did it break my heart when I received the divorce papers, yes. Did it crush me that you felt that you had to go to someone else for comfort and companionship, yes."

Olivia tried to pull from his grasps as tears started to make their way down her cheeks. "Why not sign the papers then?" Olivia asked as she just listen to him list one thing after another of things she did that hurt him, no, crushed him.

Trevor moved one of his hands to the side of her face as he wiped the tears away with his thump. Before leaning down and placing a chastise kiss on her lips. "Because I love you Olivia Langan, for better or worst. Yes, most people would be begging for those papers to sign them, but I'm not one of them. Plus, I'm at fault here too if I had signed those papers when I received them this whole conversation wouldn't have happen. We both did things that we shouldn't have."

"But I've done more," Olivia simply said.

"I don't it see that way," Trevor said feeling partly responsible. Yes, she could've forced him to sign the papers but he could have just signed them from the beginning and avoided all of this. "Liv, do you want this, us to work?" Trevor asked.

Olivia nodded, "I do," Olivia said sniffing some.

Trevor pulled her into a hug as he rubbed her back, "Good, because I want us to work too. It'll take some work but I know we can get through this and be that happy couple that's in that picture over the fireplace at my place, our place again." Trevor kissed the top of Olivia's head before pulling back a little, "I need to know that when things get tough and hard that you won't push me away or run again?" Trevor asked looking Olivia in the eyes with unshed tears.

Olivia nodded, "I promise, I'll even sign a contract for you." Olivia said smiling through her tears.

Trevor couldn't help but smile also, "I might just do that." Trevor said making Olivia laugh.

"We can even talk somethings out with my therapist if you want." Olivia suggested, knowing having that third person who isn't bias and can help them reason and see things clearly could be a tremendous help.

Trevor nodded as he laughed, "Who would've thought that Olivia Langan would suggest seeing a therapist." Trevor said before seeing the time on the clock. "I should get going its late and I have a tone of work to do tomorrow." Trevor said as he moved to grab his jacket from the back of the chair that held it.

Olivia nodded as she wrapped her arms around herself, "Ok, Trevor I know you said we're both at fault but I feel I hurt you the most and I am deeply sorry for hurting you." Olivia said with a sad smile.

Trevor nodded, "I forgive you Liv. I'll talk to you tomorrow, it'll be late but I'll call you once I'm finish with work." Trevor said as he opens the door. "Bye Liv."

Olivia gave him a small smile, "Bye Trev." Olivia said saying his nickname she gave him for the first time in years and it felt great to use it again. Once the door was closed behind him she moved to lock the top lock before making her way to her bedroom making a mental note to make an appointment with Dr. Lindstrom.

 **TBC**

 **Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.**


	7. Confrontation

**I am deeply sorry for the extreme delay in updating but I've been through a lot lately. I had to deal with some family issues and then my brother died, and I lost interest in writing after that, well lost interest in a lot of things. Now I feel so much better and remembering where I wanted to take this story I can continue to write it and finish this story, I just hope you guys are still willing to give this story a chance.** **Linstead901 thanks, you inquiring about the story, is what helped me to want to continue this story and finish it and remember why I love writing and posting on here, so thanks. Well on with the story enjoy.**

 **Chapter 7: Confrontation**

The next morning found Olivia standing in the elevator with Starbucks in hand and her eyes closed as she tried to get her mind set for work, but she could not get her mind off last night's conversation with Trevor and the nagging feeling about her squad. They all were acting strange with her at the scene and Rollins kept giving her a look like she wanted to ask her something but never did. The elevator dinged singling that she had arrived at her floor, taking a deep breath Olivia opened her eyes and made her way towards the squad room where she found Fin sitting at his desk typing away. Setting her purse in her chair and throwing her jacket over the back of it she made her way over to where Fin was and set in the chair that sat beside it.

Fin looked up when he saw Olivia making her way over to his desk before taking a seat. "What's up Liv?" Fin asked.

Olivia let out a little laugh, "If only you knew." Olivia said with sad eyes.

Fin nodded in understanding, "I think I have a clue." Fin said seeing the questioning look Olivia was giving him, "Trevor," Fin simply said. "Look I saw the way you two were acting with each other when he first walked in. I knew that it was probably the first time you two saw each other since the divorce." Fin paused as he watched Olivia hoping she would give it up and tell him that they never got divorced. He could see that she was struggling with something. Fin stood up and set a hand on Olivia's shoulder, "Follow me." Fin said before making his way towards one of the empty interrogation rooms with Olivia right behind him. Once Olivia walked into the room Fin closed the door and locked it. "Talked to me Liv."

"Trevor and I talked last night about us," Olivia sighed deciding she might as well tell him, because he'll find out eventually. "Trevor and I never got divorce, he never signed the papers…" Olivia paused as she made her way over to the table and sat on the edge of it.

Fin didn't say anything, wanting to allow her to get what she needed out, even though he wanted so badly to tell her that he knew about her never getting the divorce finalized. Fin doubled check to make sure the sound was off before moving over to the adjacent wall and he leaned on it as he waited for Olivia to continue.

Olivia watched Fin for a minute before finally taking a breath, "I sent the papers to him, but he refused to sign them. Trevor didn't want to give up on us that easy, and he hoped that once I got over the lose of Mason that I would change my mind and come back to him."

"But you didn't, you went on with your life with Haden, then Cassidy." Fin said interrupting Olivia. "You acted like you were divorced, even though you knew that you weren't." Fin said as he watched Olivia move towards the window refusing to look at him. "Liv, how come you didn't tell me about you and Trevor?"

Olivia turned to look at Fin and sighed as she saw the hurt in his eyes. "Honestly… Fin I never told you or anyone else that I was divorce, the only thing I said to you guys was that I sent divorce papers to him…"

"Come on Olivia, don't try that, you knew that we all thought that you were divorce."

"I made a mistake ok, I get that." Olivia yelled as she ran her hand through her hair. "Trevor's mad at me, you're mad at me, and let me guess the entire squad is mad at me." Olivia took a deep breathe before letting it out slowly as she move back over to the table sitting on the edge of it. "I knew I sense something was wrong last night at the crime scene." Olivia watched Fin's body language that confirm her suspicion. "How did you find out, no one knows about me and Trevor never getting a divorce." Olivia questioned.

Fin sighed, "Veronica came by our place yesterday to visit and hang out to distract herself. She knew you and Trevor were meeting up for dinner to talk. We were looking at some pictures and Casey mentioned how surprised she was that you guys gotten divorce. Veronica was shocked and said that the papers were never signed." Fin explained.

Olivia nodded, of course Veronica would know. "I'm sorry, I should've told you guys. I guess I knew that if I said it out loud then I couldn't ignore it, pretend that I could move on with my life, to…" Olivia was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Occupied," Fin yelled, the door was locked they should've known that it was occupied.

"It's Manda," they heard her yelled through the door.

Fin sighed before walking over to the door and opened it, "What's up?"

Amanda glanced over at Olivia who was sitting on the edge of the table, "Sorry to interrupt but Murphy is looking for you Liv."

"Tell him to give me a minute," Olivia replied.

Amanda nodded as she looked at Fin who just gave her a look saying don't asked before she headed back towards her desk.

Fin closed the door and locked it again. "Liv…" Fin waited for her to acknowledge that she heard him but got nothing. "Liv," Fin repeated as he moved towards her to stand in front of her to find her silently crying. "Liv," Fin said softly, "I'm not mad at you, I get you not wanting to turn the divorce into a big mess by taking Trevor to court, especially with losing Mason still fresh." Fin moved to sit next to Olivia on the table. "Honestly, Trevor is to blame too, he put you in that situation by refusing to sign the papers." Fin wrapped an arm around Olivia as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"I could've confronted him about it though, try to talk to him, convince him to sign the papers, but I didn't." Olivia wiped the tears from her cheeks before lifting her head and turning to face Fin. "Dr. Lindstrom helped me to see that I never confronted Trevor about the papers because deep down I still loved him." Olivia admitted

"Do you still love Trevor?"

Olivia nodded, "When I finally accepted that, I felt even guiltier for being with Brian."

"What would've happen if he wanted to get married Liv?"

Olivia shook her head, "I knew Brian would never commit to marriage, he was just satisfied living together. But after a while I realized that I couldn't keep living a lie with Brian, so I broke up with him." Olivia glanced up at Fin, "Me and Trevor talked for a while last night, we're going to try and work on our relationship or marriage I should say."

Fin gave Olivia a small smile, "I'm glad to hear that Liv. Truthfully, I always thought you and Trevor belonged together. The love you two had for each other was pure and raw, and at that time I wish and hoped that one day I would find that type of love."

Olivia nodded, "But you did, with Casey." Olivia said seeing the smile on Fin's face grow even bigger. Olivia stood up, "I guess I should go and see what Murphy wants." Olivia moved towards the door opening before turning back towards Fin, "Thanks Fin." Olivia added before making her way towards the Captains office.

Olivia glanced at Amanda as she walked towards Murphy's office. Olivia knocked and when she got permission to come in she opened the door and walked in, "I heard you were looking for me." Olivia said as she closed the door behind her and made her way over to one of the chairs and sitting down.

Murphy looked up at her from his laptop, "fifteen minutes ago." Murphy stated letting her know that he was slightly annoyed that it took her fifteen minutes to see him.

"Sorry, I had to finish up something." Olivia said apologetically

"Look I just wanted to let you know that we'll be charging little Tino with the murder of Ellie Porter." Murphy said knowing that Olivia wouldn't be to please with the charges.

"Why, little Tino is covering for someone." Olivia argued

"There's nothing we can do, we tried to pressure him, offer him a deal but he's not budging. If he wants to go down for her murder let him."

Olivia shook her head, "What about Ellie, she'll never get justice and what about her son Noah, when he grows up and find out that his mother murderer was never prosecuted, was able to get away with it."

Murphy sighed in defeat, "If you want to continue to investigate this case that's your prerogative. As of tomorrow, you'll be the commanding officer of the unit again."

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, "Where are you going?"

"Back undercover, they called me yesterday and I agreed. I recommended you to the brass and 1PP to take over while I'm gone." Murphy said

Olivia nodded, "You'll be missed around here Murphy." Olivia said

Murphy nodded, "I been meaning to ask you about Amaro, he made bail, I know you may not believe it but I glad. Amaro is a good cop, but he is a loss cannon, and that's dangerous for a cop. If he can't control his temper, he'll end up in jail."

"I know, but sometimes with this…"

"This job is hard to handle, trust me I get it and I understand," Murphy said interrupting Olivia. "But if he can't learn to control his emotions in this unit he needs to transfer to one where he can." Murphy added firmly.

Olivia knew he was right, nevertheless she just hoped that his time in jail and this whole situation would cause Nick to realize that himself and make some effort to work on his issues.

"Do you know what's going to happen with Ellie's son Noah?" Murphy asked.

Olivia shook her head, "There's a hearing later this morning, I was planning on attending it to find out." Olivia said as Murphy phone rang. Olivia gave him a nod before leaving the office to give him some privacy.

Olivia made her way over to her desk and as she sat she could feel Amanda's eyes on her. Olivia sighed before looking up at the blonde detective. "Just say what you want to say Amanda." Olivia said throwing the blonde off a little for being caught.

Amanda got up and moved towards Olivia's desk before sitting down. "You and Trevor," Amanda simply said. Fin had warned her not to be to hard on her when she did question Olivia about her relationship with Trevor. She assured Fin that, that wasn't her plan.

"Yeah, it's complicated." Olivia said with a little laugh

Amanda laughed a little also, "Trust me I get it, well not the entire thing, but, I do get the complicated part."

"I'm sorry I lied to you earlier about Trevor and me, I just…"

"Didn't want to talk about it, I know. Liv you don't have to explain everything to me."

Olivia eyed Amanda for a second, "How much do you know?" Olivia asked curiously

Amanda bit her lip before responding, "Just about everything. I know about you two being married and…" Amanda paused not wanting to bring up painful memories, but the look Olivia was giving her told her it was ok. "And Mason. Olivia, I don't know how you keep going, with everything that has happened to you. You're the strongest person I know."

"Sometimes I wonder that myself, how I can keep going, but talking to someone about it has really helped actually." Olivia admitted.

Amanda nodded in understanding before standing up, "Just a warning Nick knows too." Amanda said apologetically but laughed when she heard Olivia say 'great' under her breath as she headed back over to her desk.

Later that morning Olivia made her way towards the courthouse to find out what happens with baby boy Noah. Olivia doesn't bother to take a seat but just stands right at the entrance leaning on the wall as she watches the hearing.

"It appears" Judge Linden starts, "that we found Baby boy Noah's mother, but she was killed last night." Judge Linden says looking at Pippa.

"That right," Pippa replies.

"And there's no other living relative that could be a proper guardian for this child?"

"No, your Honor," Trevor replies as he makes his way into the courtroom but gives a quick glance at Olivia who watches him moved towards the front of the courtroom.

"And you are?" Linden asked

"Trevor Langan, I represented Ellie Porter the deceased mother," Trevor says as he lays his bag on the table. "She did not know who the birth father was, nor, does she have any living relative that we know of. But I do know she loved her son and I am here to be of service to Noah Porter as his representative, to help him any way I can." Trevor finishes as he takes a seat at the table.

"I see," Linden says as she looks up and catches Olivia standing in the back. "And Sergeant Benson, you're here again?"

Olivia nods slightly, "Yes, your Honor."

"As the birth mother is deceased, and no father or other relative has come forward, I officially declare Noah Porter an orphan and ward of the state of New York. He shall continue to be cared for in an A.C.S. facility F-, unless… Sergeant Benson you rescued the infant, isn't that right?" Linden asked pointing at the Sergeant with her pen.

"Yes, your Honor," Olivia replies again standing up straighter and off the wall.

"And you're the only one who's taken a consistent interest on his behalf. Is there any chance you might like to become a foster mother to this baby?" Linden asks as Pippa and Trevor turns to look at a shock Olivia Benson in the back.

"I'm sorry. Excuse me, your Honor?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"I have a feeling about this, Sergeant Benson. Call it a judge's hunch. If you agree, I will order Noah Porter into your care as custodial parent for one year, at which time you'll be given the option to permanently adopt him. Do you agree?" Linden asked with a little smile on her face as she watches the Sergeant.

Olivia doesn't know what to say, she's speechless, that's when she catches Trevor looking at her with a smile on his face and his eyes sparkling. She remembers that sparkle, it was the same sparkle that was there when she told him she was pregnant with Mason. "Um, can I have a minute your Honor?" Olivia asked

Judges Linden nods knowingly as she watches the Sergeant and Langan stare at each other. "Let's take a 30-minute recess, shall we." Linden says before standing and leaving the courtroom.

Trevor immediately jumps up and makes his way over to Olivia setting a gentle hand on her arm. "Liv," Trevor simply says.

"I want to… to do this." Olivia says biting her lip before they curl up into a big smile.

Trevor returns the smile, "Why didn't you say that then?"

"I want to do this, but I want to do it with you. I know…"

Trevor holds up a hand stopping her before guiding her into the hallway and into an empty conference room. "Liv…"

"I know we have work to do, but I spent the entire night thinking back on our conversations and I want us to be together again. I made a mistake by even thinking about divorcing you at that filing for it. I been thinking about us and I was going to call you after court this morning to tell you that, that I'm ready to come home." Olivia said as tears slid down her cheeks. "I know you're mad…"

Trevor pulled Olivia into a tight embrace, "I'm not mad at you Liv. I think it'll take time for us to get back to normal but," Trevor pulled back from the embrace to look Olivia in the eyes, "Like I said last night, I want to work on our marriage. I want to bring you home." Trevor says as he blinks back the tears that had formed in his own eyes and threaten to fall.

Olivia intertwined their fingers, "I know it may not sound logical to bring a kid into the equation, but I think we can do this together. We can be a family." Olivia says looking at Trevor hoping he'll agree with her.

 **TBC**

 **Will Trevor agree to become a family with Olivia and Noah? What will everyone else think, especially Veronica? And Olivia and Nick have a conversation. Don't forget to leave a review.**


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